


Nightlight

by hugcollector



Category: Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency (TV 2016)
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hugs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Pathetic fallacy, Project Blackwing (Dirk Gently), Sharing a Bed, Spooning, Storms, Thunder and Lightning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-02
Updated: 2018-01-02
Packaged: 2019-02-24 08:01:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,977
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13209420
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/hugcollector/pseuds/hugcollector
Summary: Todd Brotzman was a light sleeper. He may have been a little paranoid about things that go bump in the night, but when a thunderstorm and a faint knock at his door at 2am converge, he knew it couldn't just be coincidence.





	Nightlight

Todd Brotzman was a light sleeper.  
  
Whether it was being rudely awoken to the sound of his car being totaled against his will, birds outside deciding that today they would stage a 3 hour long symphony, or neighbours having some kind of domestic, it never took much for him to bolt upright, on high alert and very awake.  
  
Perhaps the resulting sleep loss contributed somewhat to his daily crankiness - but that's an entirely different story.  
  
It shouldn't have surprised him quite as much then, that due to a particularly loud thunder and lightning storm in the depths of Seattle winter, he lay awake, peering at the ceiling through weary eyes. The thunder continued rumbling intermittently, and Todd listened along wondering if he'd left the window open which would account quite conveniently for how loud it seemed. He was contemplating getting up to check, when a new noise stopped his train of thought abruptly.  
  
Ta-tap.  
A faint knock at the door.  
  
A knock at the door? At this time? It must be about 2am, Todd frowned, sitting upright now and listening to see if it had been his imagination.  
  
Ta-ta rap.  
Another, a tentative yet more urgent knock followed by some shuffling of feet forced him out of bed and towards the door.  
  
On his way he contemplated the likelihood that he would be assaulted upon opening the door, and so grabbed the nearest item, a recent edition of a local newspaper (whose only real use as a form of weapon was against unsuspecting public figures on the receiving end of the complaints column). He rolled this up, brow furrowed in perplexion at the situation and stood on tiptoe to peek through the peephole.  
  
It was dark outside, so he didn't know what he actually expected to see. He rolled his eyes, berating himself for this oversight. Todd would've assumed no-one was there if he hadn't then heard a tiny voice from the other side.  
  
"Todd?" it tested, feebly. The voice was a little hoarse, but underneath had a distinct English accent.  
Todd relaxed significantly, dropped the newspaper and opened the door. The figure jumped slightly at this, seemingly a bit skittish.  
  
"Dirk? Everything okay?" Todd stood to the side by way of inviting the man in so he could actually see his face in the dimly lit apartment.  
  
Dirk's face looked pale and drawn, his faintly red-rimmed eyes and the low light giving him a ghostly appearance. He avoided Todd's eyes and worried the edge of his pyjama top with a finger and thumb.  
  
"Sorry, I-" Dirk's voice cracked, and he quickly cleared his throat, taking a very tentative step forwards. "Would I uh, be able to... stay for a minute?"  
Dirk's voice was thin, and faint, as if he was having to make a large effort to communicate. He hovered at the doorframe, unsure of whether to come further into the apartment.  
  
Todd opened his mouth and closed it again, running a hand through his hair. Dirk hadn't exactly answered when he asked if he was alright, and warning bells were being let loose on his mind. "Uh- yeah, of course, come in," he stammered, ushering him in, gently closing the door behind him. Todd wasn't precisely sure at this point what was wrong with Dirk, but was determined to figure it out. He resigned himself to the fact that Dirk might have to stay over, although this thought summoned a horde of butterflies. He wasn't sure he even wanted Dirk to return to his own place in this state anyway. Besides, the haunted look in his eyes told him this was no courtesy visit. He twisted the key in the lock, fumbling with it slightly.  
  
The wind outside howled, battering the nearby trees, but was then one-upped by a vicious thundercrack that flashed white through the windows.  
  
Todd jumped. He stared after the offending light, shocked. "Holy shit," he exclaimed. "I'll bet that thunder is right overhead by that noise, don't you think, Dirk?" he turned to the other man, and halted his tirade.  
  
Dirk stood, seemingly frozen, his gaze fixed on the window. Todd felt a wave of panic sweep over him, as he saw the almost imperceptible, then steadily noticeable hyperventilation of his friend.  
  
"Dirk? Dirk, come sit down-"

Todd had seen this before. He had a fairly decent idea of how to deal with panic attacks after his own experiences. He put one arm round Dirk's back, the other on his arm, and gently showed him towards the couch. He kept an eye on him whilst he slowly walked him over, Dirk's eyes were glazed and he was trembling a little but still managing to take the necessary steps until he was seated. It was then that Todd noticed the shivering, and so grabbed a blanket from the arm of the couch, draping it over Dirk's shoulders, arranging it until he was satisfied he would be warm. In the spur of the moment, he plucked up some courage, and knelt in front of him, placing his hands on Dirk's arms, steadying the shaking.  
  
Todd thanked the universe that the storm had elected to quieten at this time, leaving him with one less worry. His priority was to calm his friend, as it felt so fundamentally wrong to see him in this state.  
  
"Dirk," he began tentatively, keeping his voice soft and even.  
Dirk's eyes, glassy with tears fixed on him, sending a wave of pity over Todd that might have drowned him if he hadn't been holding Dirk.  
"You're safe here, but I'm going to help you calm down. Copy my breathing. In, and out." Todd inclined his head with each intake to make it easier to follow, watching Dirk's chest rise and fall as he mirrored him.  
  
A few minutes passed like this, in relative silence, until the gales outside had ceased, and the only external noise was faint pattering of rain that streaked down the window.  
  
Dirk stirred in his seat slightly, working up the courage to speak, as Todd looked on anxiously.  
  
"It's the-" a large tear tumbled down Dirk's cheek, followed by others that had been eager to escape for some time. He inhaled shakily.  
"It's- it's the thunder," he eventually got out, biting his lip in a vain fight against the tears. "It's just that it... it... sounds so much like...like..." he trailed off weakly, fidgeting with the blanket, not meeting Todd's eyes.  
  
Ignoring all of the inhibitions screaming in his mind, Todd reached up, placing his hands on either side of his pale face, and tenderly brushed the tears from Dirk's cheek with his thumbs. Dirk looked deeply into in his eyes then, the depths of blue awash with such hurt that wrenched Todd's heart terribly.  
  
They were suspended in this moment of quiet understanding, until Todd pulled his hands away, nerves getting the better of him.  
  
Whilst he still had some bravado left, he reverted to holding Dirk's arms, trying to think of why the thunder caused such distress for him. He wracked his brain for suggestions, wanting to protect Dirk from opening an old wound, knowing how these subjects pained him.  
  
"Was it... was it like a... like a gun?"  
  
A nod. Despite Dirk's larger height he looked small in this moment, a tiny hunched figure in a corner, childlike in his absolute inner horror.  
"Does... does something about that sound provoke a... particular memory?" Todd ventured, suspecting there was every chance it might have something to do with certain torturous government facilities.  
  
Nothing for a moment, then a braver nod.  
  
Dirk pulled the blanket tighter around himself, like a pathetic and worn shield against his past.  
"They tried something... different... once, thinking they could trick me into somehow complying with them, a new test from the ones they used before..."  
  
Todd nodded, brimming with concern, and tightened his grip on Dirk's arms ever-so-slightly.  
  
"The test comprised of..." he swallowed with the effort of recapitulating this repressed memory. "a room I was in, empty but with four buttons on a panel next to a window. The room I could see through the window had four people, each handcuffed to a chair, all in a row, with..."  
  
Dirk took a couple of deep breaths, looking away. Todd, barely repressing his anger for the sickening CIA program, squeezed his arm gently, attempting to reassure him.  
"Hey, Dirk, it's okay, take your time, we can always stop if you need...?" Dirk shook his head, determined to finish his story as testament to say that he wasn't afraid of Blackwing anymore, and refused to be silent.  
  
"In front of each of the chairs was an automatic gun. They... they told me that there was only one bullet, in only one of the guns-"  
"Oh no, God, no..." Todd whispered, disgusted.  
"The buttons corresponded to the chairs, I was to somehow guess which was the loaded one, and if I pressed that button, they would be saved. Somehow, they figured if they added an ethical aspect to the tests, I would comply."  
  
"But it didn't matter, that I ended up getting it, predictably, wrong," Dirk half-spat the last word, anger and hurt rising in his voice, as he let the last of the tears spill over. "It was a trick and they went and shot all four of them."

Todd stared at him in silence, horrified. Then, rising slowly, he knelt on the couch facing Dirk, wrapping him in a tight hug.  
  
"I am so, so sorry..." he whispered against the soft cotton of Dirk's pyjamas, tucking his head into the crook of his neck. The skin felt cold and clammy, but the pulse he felt throbbing underneath reminded him being alive was more luck than they ever could have hoped for.  
  
The rain outside was quieter now, but soothing like a lullaby.  
  
Todd felt colder hands tentatively wrap round his shoulders, and ran a hand slowly up and down Dirk's back, trying to be a source of calm. The weight in his arms relaxed, and Todd gave a wry smile in relief, smoothing a hand up through Dirk's hair, as if to draw out the memories that haunted his mind. He had realised some time ago now that there were stronger feelings here than he had anticipated, but for now that would have to wait. It didn't matter, because all that mattered was in his arms.  
  
Dirk's grip tightened, and Todd felt damp on his shoulder, not sobs now but the unravelling of tension and fear.  
  
"You're safe here," Todd assured, gently stroking the soft russet strands.  
  
"...Thank you," Dirk whispered, easing into the touch of warm hands and the embrace of a warmer heart.

  
  
  
-*-*-*-  
  
  
Dirk awoke to soft light cascading through a window, lighting passing dust motes which all seemed rather chuffed to have their moment to shine in the rays.  
  
As he blinked he saw a sea of blue that turned out to be a large cosy duvet that held him in a pleasant embrace, and speaking of which, he felt a comforting presence and heat at his back, and the sound of quiet breathing. He was lying in an unfamiliar-yet-familiar bed.  
  
An arm, he asserted, had wrapped itself around his waist, and it belonged to Todd. Dirk blinked, as the events of the night returned to him, and Todd stirred in his sleep, tangling their legs further until Dirk felt entirely encapsulated in a kind of snug, safe feeling. This was different. This was good. 

It felt so nice to be held, held at will, held and protected from life and the universe and everything that was evil and tenebrous and tried to hurt him.

Dirk Gently smiled and cosied into the soft touch behind him as the sun beamed in, mellow and lovely and illuminating all of life's darkness with gentle, tender light.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello everyone, thank you for reading! This is my first fic for this fandom, so I hope you enjoyed it. 
> 
> Could I possibly ask that (if you haven't already) you please sign this petition to try and secure a season 3 of Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency? It's doing quite well and it's a lovely show of our support for this fantastic project that was the culmination of such hard work - and that brought us all together here. 
> 
> https://www.change.org/p/netflix-renew-dirk-gently-s-holistic-detective-agency-for-season-3-future-seasons
> 
> Thank you for your time, and have a very nice day!


End file.
